Thursday, August 22, 2019

I Take Your Requests

A short one today, as school is coming back soon, and I have a lot on my plate.

In recent news, I finally, finally, saw the Star Wars prequels. I hadn't seen Episodes 2 and 3 yet, but now I have. Maybe it's because I saw Clone Wars first, but I really liked them! Get ready for some more Star Wars/Disney parodies in the near future. I'm working on 2 more.

But today, I took a request. A friend and reader asked for a mash-up of Phineas and Ferb and The Emperor's New Groove, so I did that one this week. So, Alana, this one is for you!





Phineas and Ferb – The Emperor’s New Groove

The royal advisor enjoys imperial power
‘Til Kuzco fires her on an ill whim.
So the latest problem for Yzma and Kronk
Is finding a good way to kill him.

Like maybe...

Waking some panthers
Or sending the guards
Or turning him into a llama.

Sending him tumbling down a waterfall (Bring it on!)
For a tremble of extra drama

Putting him in a box
Not as himself, of course,
But a harmless little flea fits (It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!)

And when that box arrives
Taking a hammer and—
Or just poisoning him with this! (Feel the power!)

As you can see
There's a whole lot of stuff to do
To make Kuzco take that fall (To the secret lab!)

So stick with us 'cause Yzma and Kronk
Are gonna do it all
So stick with us 'cause Yzma and Kronk are
Gonna do it all!
(Mom! Dad went off to help a talking llama!)
(Guitar downs)


Thank you for the request, Alana! This was a lot of fun to write, and I hope it's fun for you to read!

I know these parodies are silly, but they're a great writer's workout for me. I have to look at words and meaning and rhyme and meter and tone, and there's no foul for a failure. I have so many ideas for stories that I feel a little jammed, and writing these give me a chance to practice with language while I'm still planning a schedule and stories (but I have an idea I'm going to start writing once school starts up again! I'm outlining it now!)

So, if you have requests, send 'em my way. If not, get ready for a couple more Star Wars/Disney mash-ups. Have a great week!

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Some News and More Nonsense

I'm sorry for the very late post. I'm still getting back into the swing of life, and while I promise that I will go back to posting every Monday, it may take me a few tries to get there.

This week, I have been busy. One of the things I was busy with was cultivating a starter to make sourdough, and then actually baking some. It went...mostly okay. The recipe I used didn't have a long enough baking time, and I probably should have proofed it more. But I live, and I learn, and at least the sourdough part of it turned out.

No pictures. Please allow my shame its privacy. But at least the scones and biscuits turned out. Next up, sourdough peanut butter cookies.

In other news, I'm part of #KidsNeedMentors again this year! I did it last year, and I absolutely loved it, so I'm thrilled to be mentoring three classes this coming year. #KidsNeedMentors is a great program where authors spend a whole school year mentoring kids. In the past, I've given writing lessons, sent some of my favorite books, and given kids feedback on their own writing projects. I really love working with kids as part of my writerly job description, so I hope I can be helpful to them and to their teachers over the next year.

I also have wedding pictures. Here are a couple of them:








It takes forever to upload these, so I think I'll stop here. But I do think these are some of the best pictures of me, my husband, and the family after the wedding (without getting into all the smaller group shots).


Last, you know my Star Wars/Tangled parody from last time? I got a request for another. (And, yes, I listen to your requests!) So, for all you Clone Wars and Rebels fans, here's another song, brought to you by our favorite sassy space pirate, Hondo Ohnaka!






Stealing All the Treasure
("Sailing for Adventure" - Muppet Treasure Island)

When the course is laid and the bounty’s paid
A pirate’s blood begins racing
With our missiles shot and their engines cold,
We're on the ship and off to seize the hold!
On the ship and off to seize the hold!

Hey, ho, we'll go
Anywhere the profit’s flowing
Robbing honorably!
Stealing all the treasure in the galaxy.

(spoken)
Come now, men! Do not interrupt Hondo while he is singing!

Living on the brink, we say what the clink,
Hondo laughs the perils he’s facing!
Every ship we board better pay our price
Or then they’ll find out that we don’t play nice!
Then they’ll find out that we don’t play nice!

Hey, ho, we'll go
Anywhere the profit’s flowing
Shoot them in the wing!
Stealing all the treasure in the big black space thing

I’m not afraid to threaten, extort, and loot
I’m a scoundrel, through and through.
If I had to choose between my partner and a cargo of meryx, I would rescue the jewels
(spoken)
Just kidding. Haha
I’d never do that to you!

There are Jedi Knights with swords of light
That are worth a kingly ransom.
With a Sith Lord, too, we would do okay,
But I must warn you, they are no easy prey!
I must warn you, they are no easy prey!

Hey, ho, we'll go
Anywhere the profit’s flowing
What was yours is ours!
Stealing all the treasure all across the stars.

Galactic credits whisper,
They’re singing just for me,
They’re saying, “Hondo, be a friend,”
And, “Hondo, set us free!”

So, ready, men, your blasters,
It’s time to sack and thieve
And of course we’ll always win
Don’t need that nysillin
And if the take’s not worth the cost,
Well, we can always leave!

(spoken to self)
Incredible. I did not know I had such a great singing voice! ... I should go pro.

A pirate’s life is not set in stone:
Follow me, your captain, to the great unknown!

Hey, ho, we'll go
Anywhere the profit’s flowing
Best friend Kenobi!
Stealing all the treasure
It's so lucrative!
Stealing all the treasure
So explorative!
Stealing all the treasure
We're all fugitives!
In the galaxy!


I hope you enjoyed that! I had a good time writing it. These parodies are good little writer workouts for me, helping me practice wordplay and character voice, so if you do have a request, let me know, and if not, there will probably be more, anyway.

Monday, July 29, 2019

Pictures and Nonsense

Hello, folks! I'm back, and I'm married!

I know it's been a long time since my last post. I've been so busy with wedding preparations, the actual wedding, and then moving into my new house and then the honeymoon that I haven't been posting. Who could blame me?

Anyway, I'm now Allison Boyer, working on getting that name legally changed. However, I will still use Allison K. Hymas as my professional writer name, so that will be the name that is on my books and websites.

For our honeymoon, Spencer and I roadtripped to Banff, Canada. It was my first time going there, and wow, it's beautiful. Such a great place for me to spend time with my new husband!



We both loved looking at the lakes, in particular. They're so blue!


Lake Louise. (That's Spencer in the sunglasses.)


Lake Moraine. And in this one, yes, the water looks like that. It's as blue as if it was dyed, but it's a natural effect of "rock flour" from the glaciers. The picture really doesn't do it justice, and it still looks like that.




And this is a cute little tearoom at the top of a hike near Lake Louise. We got an apple crumble to share and two lemonades.

I got a lot of other pictures, but they're taking forever to upload and these are some of the best, anyway. As for wedding pictures, I don't have them yet, but I'll share a couple as soon as I get them back from the photographer.

In other news, THE EXPLORER'S CODE is listed on Goodreads now, so if you want to keep an eye on its progress, you can look at it there!

Okay, so I promised you some nonsense. Like I said, we roadtripped, and when you put two nerds in a car for 15 hours to and fro, not even counting hours of driving around the parks, then things start to happen. Especially when one of you is a writer, you both enjoy Weird Al Yankovic, and you're going on a trip later this year to Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland. You start thinking of Disney songs and Star Wars and then...this happens.

So this is for all you Tangled and Obi-Wan Kenobi fans out there.


When Will The Fight Begin?

("When Will My Life Begin?" from Tangled)

 

Morning arrives, awake to a double sunrise.

Start on the chores and sweep ‘til the floor’s all clean,

Maintain my beard, do laundry, and gather supplies.

Life is bland in the sand here on Tatooine!

 

And so I’ll meditate, for maybe quite a while.

I’ll watch the Tusken Raidersthey walk single-file,

And then I’ll spar my shadow in Soresu style,

Just wonderin’ when will the fight begin?

 

Then after lunch of blue milk and bantha jerky

I’ll stick around, safe on my high ground, alone.

Visit my memories, though they are getting murky,

Though I’ve yet to forget all my time with the clones.

 

I lost another robe; good thing I have a spare.

I’ll plan my duel with Maulsure he’s alive somewhere.

And then I’ll practice greeting droids with, “Hello, there.”

Stuck in this desert since Anakin

 

(ahem)

 

And I’ll be wonderin’, and wonderin’, and wonderin’, and wonderin’, when will my fight begin?

 

I watch the boy down on his farm,

Make sure that Luke won’t come to any harm.

One day he might rebalance the Force.

When he is older, I will set him on that course.

 

So, yes. Pictures and nonsense. There may be a few more Disney/Star Wars parodies coming around the bend...it was a LONG drive. So, enjoy, and I'll see you again next week!

Monday, July 1, 2019

TV v. Movies: An Analysis

So, this is going to be my last post for a while. I'm getting married in less than 2 weeks, and then comes the honeymoon...so, yeah. See you later, but I swear I'll come back!

This week I want to do a short, quick discussion of something I've been thinking about. I watch a lot of children's TV (though I only watch the good shows), and TV in general, usually as I eat meals or cool down from a run.

Which is why I recently watched Star Wars Rebels, a Disney Channel animated show. And was blown away, mostly because while I knew Clone Wars was considered a very good show, I had never heard the same about Rebels. Also, it was a kids' Disney Channel show - how good could it really be?

Really, really good.

Rebels dealt with heavy issues of loss, such as loss of home, people, family, purpose, identity, faith...you name it. It's a story of people way out of their depth fighting against a huge, oppressive power with little hope they'll do more than win a couple of small battles here and there. Yes, it's a kids' show, but it's a kids' show that allows major consequences to come to the characters based on their choices, without resetting for the next episode. When injuries happen, they leave scars. When people die, they're gone. And, all in all, at least by the end, the show is about as mature and heavy as the movie Rogue One.


This left me thinking about the other kids' shows I've been watching lately, all from Disney: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, DuckTales, and Big Hero 6. All of these shows are very engaging, and I say this as a writer and an adult. There's a spread of depth and maturity to them, sure, but they all deal with heavy concepts in different ways. They develop character and push these characters to the limits, and the characters really come to life in different, unique ways.

And, they, too, aren't afraid to hit the characters hard, where it hurts, and let them hurt.

For example, in early episodes of the Tangled show, we see Rapunzel's abduction from her father's perspective as he remembers. It's emotional and poignant, and it helps the audience understand his current overprotectiveness toward her. Meanwhile, we follow Rapunzel as she tries to explore this new world she's been barred from while in her tower, and we see the parallels between what Gothel did to her and what her father is doing out of love. It's complex and interesting, and this was season 1. You have NO idea what comes in season 2!


No, I won't tell you. Watch the show if you want spoilers.

Why bring all this up? Look at the movies Disney has put out. Look at the new Star Wars movies and the backlash. Heck, look at my previous posts about how Disney's latest movies have only one plot between them, and how characters like Moana fail to grab my attention because they don't have much of a character arc.

I'm not saying those movies are bad. I am saying, however, that with big theater-length productions like these, Disney and other movie companies are getting more and more hamstrung by social media and general response from fans.

Movies are made to be pleasing to wide audiences. That's just the way they are. True, they're not all for all audiences, but in order to make as much money as possible, they need to cater to as many people as possible. For companies like Disney, that means listening in to as many voices as possible and responding to them.

Sometimes, this works great. Sometimes, though, I think it can hurt storytelling. If everyone is demanding a "strong female character" and no one can really pin down what that means, we end up with female characters who aren't allowed to have flaws and are therefore boring. If everyone is demanding certain fan service, it will go in the movie, even if it detracts from the story. There's a sense of what "perfection" is in a movie, and if the film doesn't fulfill it even in a small way, the internet will go crazy panning the film, or boycotting it, or generally smearing it.

Feel free to supply your own examples here. I, for one, am worried that the new Frozen movie is going to give us bland protagonists for this very reason. (Please prove me wrong, Disney!)

And, naturally, I'm not referring to criticism against movies that is very valid, such as sexism, racism, bigotry, bad writing/research, etc. What I'm referring to here is when pressure becomes so great for a film to "get it right" that the writers panic and avoid any semblance of problem to the point that the plot turns to tapioca and the characters aren't allowed to behave in any way that is flawed and human. Not socially problematic, mind you, but human.

With TV, though, the stakes aren't as high. No one is really watching and pushing for a TV show to include certain things, and if they are, TV has lots more time to make it happen in a more natural way.

TV can also show more character development, perhaps because the stakes are relaxed and because of the longer format. Using Rapunzel again as an example, in the TV show we see how her bubbly, optimistic personality, while not exactly a flaw in the traditional sense, doesn't work in all situations and can irritate people around her. We also have the time to see that personality pushed to the breaking point when she can no longer be as cheerful. (It's a well-written show, seriously.)

I wonder if Stranger Things would be as good if it were a movie and not a longer form that can take the time to build that slow burn, while also being a TV show with those lower stakes. As popular as it is, TV isn't given the same demands as films are.


So what? My take on this is that creators need to consider the pros and cons of film and TV when telling stories, and that we either need to stop pressuring movies to be so gosh-darn perfect in every way we want them to be, to the point that they're pulled in so many directions they lose any sense of story, or we need to acknowledge that's the way it is now and let TV have a bigger share of the storytelling pie. I'm not surprised that Netflix and Amazon shows are doing so well; TV is really growing. Maybe we should let it.

That's my take. Let me know yours, try some of these shows if you're interested (they really are good) and see you in a few!