The Graduation Experience for 2020 Graduates

Folks, I feel bad for the 2020 graduates.

Two of my siblings were cheated out of their college graduations by COVID-19, and now we have many other colleges and high schools going through the same thing.

This is a rite of passage that many students look forward to, or at least accept that they will have to pass through, and although many schools are finding new ways to make the experience special for the 2020 grads, and although these graduates can certainly claim a unique experience that no other classes can, I'm sure many students also feel cheated.

So, today, inspired by the videos of people creating their own, at-home, Disney rides, as someone who has passed through three graduation ceremonies, I'm going to give you a guide to creating your own at-home graduation experience.

1. Set up a chair outside in your backyard. Pick a sunny spot, with no shade. The hotter the day, the more authentic. You may want to include a water bottle, to be left outside by the chair as the day warms.

2. Put on a graduation robe. If you don't have one, a bathrobe will do, as long as it has long sleeves. If you don't have a bathrobe, wrap up in the shower curtain. Include the plastic water guard if the curtain itself seems too breathable.

3. Find and wear the stupidest-looking hat you own. Know that you don't look good in it. Know that no one will ever look good in it. But remember, this day isn't about looking good, it's about looking like a scholar.

4. After the chair has reached peak warmth (around noon to 2 pm), march slowly around your yard to Sir Edward Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance."

Be certain to march for roughly 5 minutes before sitting down. Play the music for another half hour before stopping the music.

5. Reset music player to play recordings of crowds cheering, loudly, to go off at random every 3-5 minutes. Length of cheers can range from one second to three straight minutes, to be set at your discretion. If you can't find recordings, this is something your friends and family can do.

6. Complete the following template and enjoy the speech, read or spoken aloud by a friend or family member:

My fellow students, it has been said [enter common quote about the future here, such as "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" or a line from Oh, The Places You'll Go. This is your graduation theme]. We have seen how true this is through our years at [school] and now, facing our future, we see it better than ever.

Our times at [school] have been some of the best years of our lives. We have laughed, loved, worked, and studied diligently to arrive where we are now. And we've also [enter inside joke about teacher/professor, or about school's sports team]. [Add small pause, and laugh]

I know we're all apprehensive for the future. Who knows what it will bring? But I know that as we live by the values instilled in us during our journey here at [school], we'll be more than prepared to take on the hurdles ahead of us, climbing every mountain of struggle with hope and optimism for the future. We are smart, strong, powerful people, and we can make it!

I know that I will always remember my time at [school] and I know you will, too. Although we leave the safe nest that was [school] to spread our wings, we take with us the lessons we learned here. Not just the ones we learned in our classrooms, but the lessons we learned about how to be people. How to hope, and love, and never take ourselves too seriously. As we journey into our future, we will carry [school] with us in our hearts.

Indeed, we will honestly say we can [return to graduation theme quote]. Wiser words have never been spoken.

So, to the class of 2020, hats off! We did it!

[thunderous applause]

Read or listen to this speech or variations of it (if you feel like being creative) at least seven times.

7. Read your school or college directory. Very, very slowly. Increase rate of cheering recording to 1-2 times a minute.

8. Drink your water. It's hot outside.

9. When you reach your own name, stand up, circle the yard, and return to your seat. If you have friends or family helping you, one of them can hand you a piece of paper and shake your hand before sending you back to your chair. Extra authenticity if your friend calls your name for you, mispronouncing it.

10. Finish reading the directory.

11. Listen or read that speech one more time.

12. Play "Pomp and Circumstance" one more time. Stand and march slowly around the yard, for the same length of time as before.

13. Take a zillion pictures with your family before finally shedding the hat and shower curtain.

I hope this has been helpful in giving you a guide to creating your own graduation experience! Granted, not all experiences are the same for every student, so you can experiment with having it inside, outside in the rain, or somehow, both. Or whatever you want.

Or you can skip this particular experience and figure out your own way to make the day special. For my siblings, we did a photo shoot and then dinner. Some people may choose to call friends and family they haven't seen for a while. While it's devastating to miss the traditional graduation experience, there may be something to say for, in this decidedly non-traditional year, finding another option that celebrates the accomplishment of graduating in a new and personal way.

And hey, it may save you from heatstroke.

Congratulations to the class of 2020, whoever you are and wherever you graduated from. You should be proud of your accomplishment and I hope you're being honored, in some way, this year. Especially since you're graduating in the middle of a pandemic. If nothing else, know that I'm happy for you and would happily cheer at an inappropriate time for you during your ceremony.