Backburner is Cooked

Hey, everyone. This is my 100th post! Hooray!

So, for those new to the party, I've been working on this middle grade novel about a preteen thief-for-hire named Jeremy Wilderson for about a year. That doesn't sound like that long, but I write fast and a middle grade novel isn't very long. Besides, this story is basically my idea of playing while I write. It's been my backburner project, the one I work on when I want to keep writing but don't want to manage the more complex plots and characters of my other works. But, in any case, the backburner has finally been finished and is in the stages of reading/revising. I decided to get a jump on the next stage (sending/rejecting) by writing the query letter. You may read the meat of it below, though I cut out the parts about me as a writer and some info on the length/genre of the book:

Sixth grade isn’t easy for anyone, but it’s harder (though a lot more fun) on the wrong side of the law.

Eleven-year-old Jeremy Wilderson is not a thief; he is his middle school’s one and only retrieval specialist. Confiscated cell phones, stolen lunch money—he’ll discretely retrieve it before the last bell rings. Business is good, and if it weren’t for the meddling of preteen private investigator Becca Mills and the fact the Jeremy has gotten so good at retrieving that his work has become boring, he’d be happier than a gym teacher on dodgeball day.

But a new job shatters Jeremy’s comfortable lifestyle. Now, thanks to Jeremy, the master key to the schools’ lockers is in the hands of an aspiring crime kingpin who doesn’t exactly have Jeremy’s strong moral character. Jeremy must retrieve the key before not even combination locks can protect his classmates’ belongings. It’s too big a job for one crime fighter, and there’s only one person Jeremy knows will want the key returned as much as he does: Becca Mills.

Lockers are being robbed, the teachers are looking for the culprit, and Jeremy’s only ally is the girl who has been trying to nab him all year. If Jeremy isn’t careful, he’ll end up in detention until his high school graduation.

This is still only a rough draft of the query, so suggestions would be great. I hope, though, that it expresses the plot and voice of the book well enough to represent it to agents and publishers.